If I Counted Right,

It has been 18 days since my last post.

A lot has happened and I wish I could talk about the things going on in my mind, but I can't.

I just want to scream and yell and stomp and cry.

But I can't. I have to sit and fake it for certain people.

I apologize for having such a stupid post but I have no inspiration anymore. I really don't have any energy to live either.

I hope this all ends soon.

Never let your drunk friend give you a back massage.

I am sitting in my one of my best friend's bed writing this and I have learned a lesson: never let your drunk friend give you a back massage. My one friend that gave me a back massage is into a lot of spiritual stuff, which is cool with me, I'm not gonna judge or anything unless you shove it down my throat, which she doesn't. So anyways, last night two of my friends and I were just hanging out, drinking a little and such. You know, a girls night.

My friend, the spiritual one, believes she is a healer. Yesterday she offered to give me a back massage since I hold a lot of stress in my back and last night she brought the offer up again. I took the offer and received and an amazing back massage for about 45 minutes.

If only I had known I would wake up with pain in the middle of my back that I would feel whenever I moved. My friends are passed out on the floor but when they wake up I'm gonna remind them of last night. My other friend makes somewhat moaning noises when she is falling asleep. Which kept me up.

My healer friend said she could feel the tension in my back when she was massaging me. I'm not sure if it was tension or me in pain. But even though she was drunk, she reminded me many many MANY times that her and my other friend are always going to be there for me no matter. She knows that the past week  month has been really hard for me. I thought I knew who I was and what I stood for but then I entered the relationship I am in. But now I have no idea.

My boyfriend got me high for the first time a week ago on this stuff called demon and it is legal (I don't want to get in trouble haha). Is it bad that I want to go out and buy my own bowl and demon and smoke today?

Ugh, I'm home.

If you have seen one of my favorite movies, RENT, there is a scene that I identify with when it comes to coming home. Here is an okay quality version of it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Lzs70MfXNw

So as always, I have a ton of work I should be doing but I'm not doing any of it because all I want to do is sleep and sit on my laptop. I'm not a huge fan of being home in the first place. I mean don't get me wrong, I love seeing friends and such but its just my father that makes me want to go back to PA. Also, I get a depressing feeling when I am home that has to do with like, how nothing will ever be the same. I understand that things will change and they will always be changing and I love change, but I don't like going back.

It's hard to sit at home and think of high school and how life used to be and that it isn't what it is now. My parents are going to start the separation process soon, (I think), my sister lives in Texas now, and I live in PA. I'm not sure why I find going back so hard, but I just do. But my father and I have issues and I'm not sure when or if I'll be able to get over them. He is also kind of a jerk and other things but I'll spare you.

Spring break and This I Believe

This week is Spring break, thank God. Well, Spring break actually starts after my morning class on Monday. I'm not going home though until Wednesday night because my plan is to get some work done so then that way I don't have to do work at home and instead I can check up on friends and such. 

I mean, there is a big different between me planning on doing work, and actually doing work. But we'll see if I get anything done. 

So my boyfriend and I are back together now but he is trying his best to look past my mess up. He might come visit me later this week at home since he has never been to Baltimore, where I'm from, and I might take him to D.C. since he has only been there once. We might check out some museums and such. But this might not even happen. 

I have to write an essay called "This I Believe." It is a project started by NPR many years ago and my college decided to assign it as an assignment. I have to write mine today because it is due tomorrow. Last year when I was a senior in high school I had to write an essay for this and I chose to write it on color. I LOVE colors and the role they play in society. I've decided what I am going to write this one on but I think I'm gonna keep it a surprise incase I decide to post it on here. 

My Big F' Up

So, I messed up. Badly. My boyfriend and I are completely done now because I seriously screwed things up. The past few weeks things have been really rough for us. Before I dated him I was on a couple of dating sites (yes, lame, I know but I like to take advantage of the internet and reach out to people). Well over the past few weeks I had been logging onto the sites and just poking around and talking to a few people. But lately things between him and me had been getting better so I was easing up on it.

Well last night when I was asleep, he was on my computer looking for a site I showed him and went through my history and saw that I had been on those sites. I know I shouldn't have been doing that but in a weird way that was how I was choosing to deal with the problems, by distracting myself with other people.

Life sucks.

Ugh. Feet. and Tumblr

Yes, I gave into peer pressure. No, I didn't 'say no.' I wasn't above the influence. I... I...

I got a Tumblr. My friends have been trying to get me to get one for the longest time. I had one a few years ago when no one else had one and I didn't keep up with it. So if anyone has one and wants to follow me, and I'll follow you, mine is katiekool.tumblr.com

I gotta draw 4 feet for my drawing homework. But I mean it could be worse, or well... more awkward. I could have been assigned to draw penises or something. And I have ice cream! Strawberry Cheesecake to be exact.

Thank God tomorrow is Wednesday. Hump Day. Half way through the week. Yayyyyy!

I hope everyone else is having a good day =]

Off to draw feet.

Week from hell

This past week was a very, very long week between all the homework I had and all the drama that occurred. My boyfriend and I broke up on Valentine's Day but then a few hours later we got back together.  But then on Thursday we broke up again because I couldn't take him calling me names whenever he gets upset. Later on the day got a lot worse when he was texting me and was saying horrible things.
I was with some friends at my apartment as they comforted me but they ended up losing part of my expensive Valentines Day gift (I got this thing called BuckyBalls that are SOOO much fun), and while looking for the lost balls, my one friend broke my lamp.

So in the end, my sort of ex boyfriend and I are kind of broken up/kind of on a break. I really have no idea what we are. I love him, I really do, but I just couldn't take the name calling anymore, along with some other issues we had. I told him we could get back together if he changed and so far the past few days have been good but thats how things usually are after we fight; things get better for a few days and then we fight again.

And I am now avoiding doing any work by sitting on my laptop and watching Spongebob. I can't avoid it anymore though. This next week is filled with loads and loads of homework, I'm just praying that there won't be drama.

Stress induced cough?

Is there such a thing as a stress induced cough? I had a cough for about a month and a half last semester but then I took antibiotics and it went away. But I think the cough is returning but both times I have not had any other cold symptoms. Weird? Very. Lately I have had lots of things on my plate and my mind that I think it is stressed induced.

How are you doing?

Ethiopian food

My boyfriend bought me a pint of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream yesterday. I ate half of it yesterday and the other half just now. And I wish I had more. I'm such a fat ass some days.

Today a few of my friends and I got Ethiopian food for lunch. It was interesting I must say. I got this dish of chicken with onions and spices and it came on this bread that tasted like sour dough bread but had a spongey, pancake texture. They didn't give us silverware and instead we had to eat the meat with the bread. It was alright. The chicken was good but the bread wasn't. But it was a cool experience to have.

Nothing great going on lately, just mounds of homework. I have a lot of things on my mind lately that I'll share on a later post if I ever sort them out.

Glue covered fingers and a pissed off boyfriend

Right now I am taking a break from my 3D class homework. The assignment is to take 2 of our 8 sculptures we made out of posterboard and build them in foamcore board. My first one is done and my second one is half way done, I am letting it sit so the glue can dry. My boyfriend is having MAJOR freak outs over his. He is starting to work on one of his and keeps making minor mistakes but then freaks a the hell out over it. All I get to do is sit quietly so he doesn't take his anger out on me. He is blasting this like, psychedelic jazz music that is driving me bonkers!!! A few songs ago he said he would turn it off and let me choose music to play but when I just asked him about that he said the music is keeping him from freaking out and punching something.

Comforting. Why do men have such anger problems? Is that all men or just a few?

Self Portraits and Lingerie

Today was pretty uneventful. I had my Drawing II class where we practiced drawing portraits. The second half of the class we did self portraits. I'm not all that fond of self portraits because well... you have to stare at yourself in a mirror and draw. If doing a self portrait doesn't make you realize every single thing that is wrong with your face, I don't know what will. From staring at myself for three hours I have realized that my left eye is bigger than the other eye, my double chin is unpleasant, my nose is horribly difficult to draw because it is so upturned which can easily result in a pig nose, and my skin is breaking out. Because of my class today I shall now begin taking better care of my skin.

In other news, one of my favorite stores is having a sale on their lingerie. I am a big fan of lingerie because lets be honest, what woman doesn't like to feel sexy??  But sadly I am a poor art school student and must save my money for food and supplies and Valentine's Day/my boyfriend's birthday gifts. Why did he have to be born four days after Valentine's Day AND on my Dad's birthday?!

Crying over a spilled sandwich

You know those days that are really rough and then that one thing happens and its just enough to make you sob like a baby? That was me yesterday. My day was alright until about 5PM when my boyfriend was in a crappy mood. Whenever he is in a crappy mood it ends up getting taken out on me. So in the end we had a huge fight where he wanted to break up with me but really didn't and all that good stuff. We worked stuff out in the end which is good. But after the fight I went back to my apartment to eat dinner and microwaved a Lean Cuisine sandwich thing. When it was done I took it out of the microwave and placed it on the counter but then decided to move it to another part of the counter which then resulted in me dropping the sandwich and causing all of it to spill all over the floor.

I cried. Yes, I cried over a dumb sandwich. But I was just so tired and was very emotional because of everything. Luckily I had two friends there to comfort me in my spilled sandwich grief. My one friend even picked up part of it and ate it. She's a little weird but I still love her. All my friends are a little weird but I prefer it that way, it keeps things interesting.

Lets hope today is a better day.

I never thought it would be difficult to make sculpture out of poster board. The first assignment for my 3D class was to make nine sculptures out of poster board. We had to make nine 10" by 10" squares and then make 3 of them circles and three of them triangles. At this point the teacher said to go at it, but there were a few rules: it could not be representational, and it had to be a design that could then be made out of foam core board (you know the big display boards you used in grade school for science fair projects? that material is what we are using).

When we first got the assignment, I was pretty confident, thinking I could grab the bull by the horns and show 'em who's boss.

I was wrong. I finally finished all nine pieces at 10:10 PM, the night before they are do. I had reached a point where I almost didn't care what they looked like, I just wanted to be done.

But its interesting how certain projects work for certain types of thinks and other types not as much. My boyfriend and I had a discussion about this just now (he is in my classes), and I realized how different we are in the way we think. Yes we are both artists, but him being a Fine Arts major and me being a Graphic Design major, our minds work much differently.

I described my preferred way of working as wanting to be given a metaphorical box, and then I can choose how to work with the box or if I want to be out of it or just change the shape all together. If I am given and open field and told to create something, I get so lost and over whelmed.

My boyfriend however prefers the open field to the box; he is not fond of being told what to do. I mean don;t get me wrong,  I am not a fan of having limitations and such but I just need a spring board to jump off of to get my creative juices going and to decide on a direction to move in.

This homework assignment definitely reassured me of my decision to be a Graphic Design major.